


Grab a Brush and Put a Little Makeup

by LourdesDeath



Series: I Know It's Not the Good Thing [1]
Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Alpha Farah Black, Alpha Todd Brotzman, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Blackwing Trash Party, Dirk Gently Needs a Hug, M/M, Omega Dirk Gently, Pararibulitis (Dirk Gently), Past Rape/Non-con, Past Sexual Abuse, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Season/Series 01 Spoilers, Talking beds are a thing in this universe, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2018-05-07
Packaged: 2019-05-03 17:20:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14573826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LourdesDeath/pseuds/LourdesDeath
Summary: “I’m fine.” Dirk shuffles toward the fridge.Todd’s legs are going to sleep in this position, so he shifts, and Dirk whirls around, backing away like he expected an attack.Todd is about explain that he was just moving his legs when he registers the scent coming off of Dirk.It's heat.Todd tries to ignore his heartbeat quickening.“You're… you're in heat,” he says. “I didn't know you were an omega.”





	Grab a Brush and Put a Little Makeup

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It is I, your friendly neighborhood trash can. I was informed of the frightful lack of trash in the Dirk Gently fandom, and was called upon to rectify it. Ask and ye shall receive. 
> 
> Title comes from Chop Suey! by System of a Down. 
> 
> Special thanks to flightinflame for betaing this

Todd is making dinner (if microwaving some store-bought frozen lasagna counts as “making dinner”) when Dirk walks in. He’s not paying attention to the other man, focused as he is on the concerning popping sound coming from the pantry, but he forgets the pantry and the lasagna when he sees Dirk.

Dirk has a black eye and a split in his bottom lip. His clothes are torn, and his hair is sticking up in every direction.

“What… happened?” Todd asks.

“Nothing!” Dirk is grinning, but Todd has spent enough time around him to see that his smile is too wide for it to be genuine. “I was looking for a case and nothing happened so it seems to not be case-time yet.” He smiles wider, startles, and sucks on his lip. “Shouldn’t smile with a split lip.”

“Did someone… Did you get into a fight?"

Dirk shakes his head. “I’m fine. Tired though. I’ll go to bed now. Good night!”

He disappears into their bedroom, Todd staring after him.

“Wait—” Todd follows him to the bedroom door, but the knob refuses to turn. Todd wonders if Dirk locked it or if he’s holding the knob. “Dirk, what happened?”

“Nothing, like I said.” Dirk says from the other side of the door.

“Do you…” Todd waves his hands around, trying to find something to say. Dirk’s acting weird, even for Dirk. “Do you want dinner?”

“I’m fine. Good night, Todd.”

There's no noise from the other side of the door, and Dirk clearly doesn't want to be around him any longer, so Todd retrieves his phone from between the couch cushions and texts Farah.

_Somethings up with dirk_

Farah responds less than a minute later.

_Do you mean the universe is leading him somewhere or just that he’s being Dirk Gently?_

_This is weird even for him hes covered in bruises and wouldnt tell me what happened then he went to bed and wont talk to me anymore_

_Did you do something to him?_

Todd is a little offended that Farah would assume he hurt Dirk.

_No of course not_

_Maybe he just wants some space. See how he’s doing in the morning, then freak out at me._

He doesn’t like that answer, but if Farah isn’t willing to help, there’s nothing he can do until morning anyway.

Todd stays up, scrolling through various social media accounts on his phone, and is considering going to sleep when the bedroom door opens. He doesn’t breathe as footsteps creak along the floor.

Dirk looks shocked when he sees Todd watching him tiptoe through their apartment.

“Oh. You’re… You’re awake. Hello.”

“Are you alright?” Todd asks. Dirk isn’t moving correctly, like he has more injuries than Todd saw earlier, and even in the dark he can see how wide Dirk’s eyes are wide with… something. Anxiety?

“I’m fine.” Dirk shuffles toward the fridge.

Todd’s legs are going to sleep in this position, so he shifts, and Dirk whirls around, backing away like he expected an attack.

Todd is about explain that he was just moving his legs when he registers the scent coming off of Dirk.

It's _heat_.

Todd tries to ignore his heartbeat quickening and his cock stirring against his thigh.

“You're… you're in heat,” he says. “I didn't know you were an omega.”

Dirk inches backwards. “I am.”

“Is that why you were hiding?”

Dirk's head jerks a little in a movement between a nod and a shake.

“Is there anything I can do to help?”

This time, Dirk is definitely shaking his head.

“I could call Farah. She could help if you would—”

Dirk backs up so suddenly he collides with the wall. “You don't have to call Farah. Please don't call her.”

“Okay. I won't call her.”

Dirk stares at him like a deer in the headlights before retreating to the bedroom, nearly tripping over his own feet on the way there.

The door slams shut and Todd breathes in the last traces of heat scent in the air, then lies down. He isn't getting an explanation before morning, so he might as well try to sleep.

\--

The bedroom door is still shut when Todd wakes up after a night of tossing and turning, but a sign has appeared on it.

On his way to the bathroom, Todd reads it.

_THIS ROOM CONTAINS **NO** DIRKS_

The word ‘no’ has been written over a few times to make it bolder, and is underlined twice.

Todd wonders if Dirk is actually out of the room or if he thinks it's a viable method of diversion.

He decides to text Farah while he’s eating breakfast. He doesn’t know why he’s so hungry until he finds the lasagna from the night before still in the microwave. Todd considers if it’s still edible, but ends up tossing it.

_Dirk came out last night. I think he thought I was sleeping but was awake. Can we meet up somwhere to talk_

Farah doesn’t answer until after Todd has finished his cereal and coffee.

_Do you need help? I can go to your apartment._

_Don’t come over. I asked if he wanted you here and he_

Todd stops typing, realizing that he’ll only worry Farah if he tells her about Dirk’s behavior that way.

_It’s fine_ , he texts instead. _Can we meet up in an hour or so?_

_Sure._

After they choose somewhere to meet, Todd remembers that he doesn’t have a way to get to his clothes. The bedroom door is still locked with Dirk inside.

Thankfully, it’s not the first time Todd’s had to break in through a window, but, as usual, he fucks up the landing and crashes to the floor.

There’s a responding _thunk!_ from the bed, followed by Dirk whimpering.

“Dirk?” Todd says, standing back up and rubbing his hip where he fell on it. The sounds are coming from from the bed, but the sheets are flat.

“Um, he’s…” the bed says, in a familiar British accent. “He’s… not here right now. This room contains no Dirks.”

Part of Todd wants to walk over and drag Dirk out from under the bed, either to tell him to stop fucking around or to bury his face in Dirk’s shoulder and cover himself in Dirk’s heat scent, but he knows that whatever is going on with Dirk, forcing him out of hiding won’t help.

He remembers when Amanda was little, and she would do things that didn’t make sense to him. At first, he told her what she was doing was stupid, but that would upset her and it never got her to stop. He tried to be a good big brother to her, so he would indulge her when she did things that seemed silly to him. It made her happy when he did.

Todd tries the same tactic on Dirk.

“Well, if Dirk isn’t here, he won’t mind me grabbing my clothes.”

The bed doesn’t respond to that, and Todd gets dressed as quickly as possible.

“If Dirk comes back, let him know I’m going out for a few hours.”

When the bed stays quiet, Todd gives up and leaves through the bedroom door, careful to lock it behind him.

\--

“How’s Dirk?” Farah asks under the din of the coffee shop.

“I don’t know. When I left, he was hiding under our bed.”

“What happened last night?”

“He was acting weird, like he was afraid of me. He had a black eye and some bruises but I don’t think that was it.” Todd looks at the plastic lid on his coffee cup, wondering if it’s right to tell Farah the rest. “He’s in heat. I didn’t even know he was an omega—did you know?”

“Of course. How did you _not_ know?”

“I— He didn’t—How did you _know_?”

Farah swirls her cup a few times absentmindedly. “He uses the most popular brand and scent of soap for omegas who want to hide their orientation, he keeps emergency suppresants in his wallet, he has a bond mark, he—”

“He has a bond mark?” Todd feels panic crawling up on him the way it did when he found out Dirk had known they would meet and work the case together. “I sleep in the same bed as him. How could I not have noticed?”

“That’s honestly the least obvious thing,” Farah replies. “He usually covers it with makeup but some of it must’ve gotten wiped off when you were in that maze under the Ridgley.”

“How could he have not told me? That he’s an omega? That he’s _bonded_.”

Farah grabs Todd’s coffee before he can spill it or throw it across the cafe. “I don’t think you should take this personally, Todd. I don’t think it’s that he wanted to hide it from _you_ , but that he wanted to hide it from _everyone_. He didn’t do everything I noticed on the fly.”

“Why would he hide it at all?”

“Maybe it has to do with that Blackwing thing. He was involved with the CIA, but when I asked him about he wouldn’t tell me anything.”

“You think they hurt him?”

Farah sighs. “I think his bond mark looks like it was done violently, I think he’s hidden his orientation for a reason, and I think it’s unusual for a bonded omega—or even an unbonded omega—to hide from alphas during their heat.”

Todd thinks back to the night before. “He… I asked if he wanted me to call you when I realized he was in heat. He looked terrified when I said that.”

“Sometimes…” Farah pauses, choosing her words carefully. “Sometimes, when people keep secrets, it’s not because of selfishness. Sometimes, it’s fear. If something was done to him and he doesn’t want to tell us, that’s up to him.”

“But how can I—”

“You just do. You accept that he doesn’t want to tell you and you move on. Don’t force him to talk about it.”

Todd wants to argue, but he knows Farah is right.

There isn’t much to talk about other than Dirk. Farah tells him that Lydia is doing well, but won’t tell him anything else. Todd envies Dirk’s persistence at questioning people.

Farah tells him to let her know if he or Dirk needs anything before they part ways, Fahre in her SUV and Todd walking back to the apartment. He turns down her offer for a ride, needing some time to think about what she said, and whatever happened to Dirk.

He _wants_ to know, wants to make Dirk tell him, but the look of fear in Dirk’s eyes last night was enough to stop that line of thought. Todd doesn’t really know what happened in Blackwing, or even what their purpose was. He wonders if it had anything to do with Dirk’s insistence that he isn’t psychic, and that they not test whether or not he is.

When he gets into their apartment, a faint heat scent is in the air, but Dirk is nowhere to be found. The sign on the bedroom door is still there, though, with a few extra lines under the ‘NO’.

Todd knows he can’t spend the entire day moping around the house, and they’re practically out of food anyway, so he looks up foods that are good for omegas in heat and knocks on the bedroom door.

“Dirk, I know you’re not in there, but I’m going to run some errands. I’ll be back soon.”

Dirk doesn’t answer this time, and Todd doesn’t know if that means if he’s left the apartment or not, so he leaves a note as well, and leaves.

The rest of Dirk’s heat passes in much the same way. Todd tries to find excuses to leave the apartment for a few hours every day so Dirk isn’t stuck in the bedroom, and leaves food by the door for when Dirk gets hungry. The food disappears, so Todd hopes he’s doing something right.

He wishes he had someone to talk to about it, but Amanda isn’t responding to his texts, and Todd feels like he’s bothering Farah when she’s trying to help Lydia.

After four days, Todd wakes up to hear Dirk showering. He’s singing too, but Todd can’t identify the song.

When Dirk emerges, Todd can smell his soap, can see the slight discoloration on the side of his neck.

“Good morning, Todd!” Dirk says, grinning broadly. His eye is still swollen, but he’s put makeup on that bruising as well. “Farah texted me this morning. She said she wanted to meet with us for lunch.”

Todd sits up. “Don’t you want to…” he says, and continues before loses his nerve. “Don’t you want to talk about—”

“I told Farah that we could meet at that diner nearby, so we don’t have to drive,” Dirk interrupts, pulling on his jacket. “I’ll go ahead now and see if I can find a case for us to work after. I’ll meet you both at the diner.”

With that, Dirk disappears out their front door.

Todd sighs, realizing that they’re not talking about what happened—at least not right now—and finds some clothes to wear.

Not long later, he would be wishing he’d made Dirk talk to him, but he’s more concerned with the feeling of his hands on fire and not drawing attention to them as they try and escape the people who kidnapped Dirk.

**Author's Note:**

> [Find me on tumblr!](lourdesdeath.tumblr.com)


End file.
